


One of a Kind

by Aurora_Dawn



Category: One Piece
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Bottom Roronoa Zoro, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff and Smut, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slurs, Trans Roronoa Zoro, Transphobia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-25 10:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aurora_Dawn/pseuds/Aurora_Dawn
Summary: It went a little like this...finding himself uncomfortable with everything in between, he feels lost. Zoro can't seem to resonate with his own body, finding it to be not the way he wants it.With a little exploration and comfort of someone close, he finds what is missing.A little trial and trepidation never hurt, but to be torn between two people was not one.
Relationships: Nico Robin/Roronoa Zoro, One-sided Kozuki Hiyori/Roronoa Zoro, One-sided Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji, Roronoa Zoro/Trafalgar D. Water Law
Comments: 5
Kudos: 25





	1. It started like this...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro, at a young age, finds himself confused. His body doesn't feel right like his skin is stretched too taut. With every look at himself, he finds himself even more lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this may not be the most accurate story in the world, especially this chapter, but I had to start somewhere! I do hope you guys enjoy this, as it has been a while since I've seen the older episodes. And in turn, I added a few extra scenes that aren't really found in the actual anime.

For as long as he could remember, Zoro never found himself comfortable in his own body. Maybe it was the way he talked? Or maybe it was the way he stands? Whatever it is, he could never pinpoint. Even when he finds himself living a minimum wage of bounty posters on some unnamed island, or sitting on the cobblestone steps while he waits for his sword to be fixed, nothing could describe how he feels. Even after he pierced his ears with solid gold, he still felt incomplete somehow. Each bounty spoke of torn promises, low money, and not enough money. With the bold and dirtied numbers, furrowed brows, and metal, Zoro takes out his frustration on everything. Where is this feeling coming from? He felt comfortable in his own skin, even admired his own body, but for some reason, one thing felt out of place.

It isn't like he hates being a man, per se, but something about... the lack of space between his thighs bothered him. He finds himself staring at himself in the river, skin dirty with mud and dried blood. Right, he was washing off his clothes. Zoro pulls off his shirt and beloved haramaki with a grunt, dipping his hands into the cool water and scrub away the blood and sweat-stained shirt. His own reflection wavered in the water as he washed quietly, keeping his senses sharp. Prickling heat fills him as he thinks of all the women who can dress how they want, flaunt their beauty, wear makeup, and not be judged. Maybe it's a loss of masculinity, but something about it eats away at him. A sigh leaves him as he hangs his wet clothes on a nearby branch, worrying his lips between his teeth.

He settles a hand over his navel, finding himself looking down. Between his thighs... is that all that matters? What is the word to describe what he's feeling? The sun beats down on his weathered body as he slides into the river, fish swimming away. His mouth waters at the thought of food, his stomach growling loudly. Where is he going to go after this? it's a wonder to even him after _she_ died, he took the sword he swore an oath over and left. Maybe it wasn't right, but better to start sooner than never at all. His eyes drift over to the sword with a white saya and hilt, thinking back to the girl he found to be so envious over even now. To look so beautiful, but hate the sex you were born with... Zoro scoffs and looks back into the treeline, taking the time to wash. Maybe she was feeling the same thing he is, wanting to trade places. Well, it's not that he wants to trade places completely.

Zoro pulls himself out of the river, checking if his clothes are dry as he sits down on a random moss-covered stone. Is this something that's just going to go away? Or will it persist until his dying breath? Zoro shakes his head, looking up at the sky. He likes his body, and he will always say that, but... is it just that one place that makes him resent? Maybe, he doesn't want to just dress like a girl, maybe, it's something in between. What if it's not just him wanting to wear a lot of makeup? What if it's just a small bit? Maybe, it's not all skirts and pants, or heels and shoes. Something in him just aches for normalcy, even if it's just for a small moment. A silent sigh escapes him once more as he looks at his swords. Three blades, three earrings. Soft jingles ring in his ear every time he turns his head.

The glimmering, golden handguard is something he could never stop looking at. Something about that blade puts all his tumultuous thoughts in his head to rest. Zoro will slip on his now dry clothes, take his swords and place them on his hips, and leave for the next bounty. Fluttering paper is rough in his hands as he sits in the bar drinking a pint of beer. So what if he's too young to drink? It doesn't matter when the bartender stops asking and just gives you the drink. No, he's not drinking his anger away. Zoro reads over the emblazoned letters, rolling his eyes at the low bounty. That's all he seems to land nowadays, feeble bounties that barely even give him warm food. Zoro downs the rest of the cheap booze, slamming some belli coins on the counter and leaving with heavy steps. Anything to distract him from his thoughts.

Maybe he should go to a doctor? No, they're too expensive, and he's been alive for this long. Dirt kicks up behind him with each step, whisked away by the warm summer breeze as he looks for his bounty. Another pirate. Some dirty crook that's been doing shitty pillaging. Zoro _hated_ pirates. Even just looking at one on paper made him angry. Dirty, lawless killers. A growl left his lips as he crumpled the paper in his hands, shoving his hands into his pockets as he walked. Something about the way they disregard lives for others bothers him. Though he may be like that too, most times he's not given that option. A gunshot rings across the already barren town, a chime of screams catching his ears. Zoro wanders to the source, looking rather bored. Two men who looked like they've seen better days were facing off against the raggedy bandit he's been looking for.

In the end, with the man barely putting up a fight, the two bunked with him on his adventure of wandering around. Johnny and Yosaku are their names, a noisy bunch if it's anything to go by. It calmed his mind somewhat, to have a band of misfits follow him. Those dying thoughts that have plagued him for years were nothing more than a faint whisper. But, on nights where they bunked at an inn, he finds himself staring at the mirrors. His skin is tan from countless hours spent in the sun, his hair a mossy shade of green and short. Nothing about the way his face looked bothered him, but there had to be something more behind it. Zoro finds himself tracing his face, moonlight filtering into the shoddy bathroom of the cheap inn they're staying at. Fingers trace down his neck, over his chest, down his sides until he stops at his navel.

No matter how hard he tries, Zoro can't help but feel disgusted. It's like bugs are crawling all over him, nipping at his skin as they run about. It's gross almost, feeling repulsed by something you were born with. His breath comes out more of a shudder than an actual sigh, hands shaking as he looks down. Everything felt right, but... that one place didn't. Why is it that every time he looks, the only thing he feels in repulsion? He's not supposed to feel anything at all, not worry about what's in his pants. But, like he was doused with cold water, this was something he couldn't stand for the life of him. Johnny would just smile at him with that crooked smile when he finds himself staring at girls, saying something about being young again. Zoro never really felt anything towards women besides envy.

Slender bodies, soft and toned muscles, feminine... Zoro doesn't apply to any, and it bothers him for some reason. Even on the next island, they found themselves on, Zoro would always stop and look at the dresses on display. Something about the way women can just flaunt their sex made him feel like his skin was stretched too taut. How can people feel so comfortable with their own sex? Is it just him being delusional? Zoro bites back an exasperated sigh as Yosaku babbled to him about a swordsmith he's seen. The two nameless swords hum, a sling of words traded between the older two lost to him. Zoro can't help but wonder how the two of them look so comfortable, not worried about the odd chafing or the uncomfortableness of adjusting oneself. Maybe it _is_ just him, for every man he's seen pass by looking completely fine.

It wasn't until the three of them had gone their separate ways did everything go back to the way it was. Naval Base island loomed before him as he stood on the docs, Johnny and Yosaku giving him a tearful goodbye. Zoro waved them off, heading into town with a renewed hope of warm food. The itchiness of feeling uncomfortable clawed at him as he walked, the town sparse of people. If it was going to be like this all day, he might as well get a drink. It took him a while to find the tavern, so when he entered did he really noticed how empty the town is. Maybe three or four people were seated at the tables, chatting softly or not at all. Some eyed Zoro like he was a bandit ready to kill them, some just ignored him. Zoro orders a single pint of beer from the woman and sits down at one of the tables, setting his swords against the edge. 

The pint was set in front of him and he took a long need swig. Just as he was about to finish off the drink, a girl that was probably no older than ten burst through the door with tears streaming down her face. A loud cackle and a growl from what looked like a rabid dog made Zoro look up from where he was sitting. The girl ran to what seemed to be her mom, a blond man with an ass for a face strolling in with two Marines at his side. The dog was frothing at the mouth as it tried to attack the girl again, nobody doing anything to solve this problem. Loud sneers left assface and Zoro had enough. A swift kick to the dog had it running with its tail between its legs. Zoro huffed and yelped when he was seized and punched in the face by the two Marines. Chairs and tables were knocked over, woodchips scattered all over the floor.

Blood drips from his nose, snorting loudly and spitting it at the shithead that attacked him and smiling. The blond rattles on about a deal, and being the smartass he is, agrees. So, Zoro finds himself tied to a wooden pole, being left outside for a month to starve. If he can survive, the girl will walk scot-free with no punishments and he will be left alone. He was nineteen, boiling under the sun with his bandana tied around his head, and _hungry._ But, Zoro refuses to give because he _knows_ that the little girl would be killed if he can't hold up his end of the bargain. But with swirling thoughts that make him want to bite his own tongue out, it was hard. His head hung as he sweats, groaning as he couldn't feel his arms. His stomach hurt, it felt like it was digesting itself. It probably was but that's beside the point.

So when Zoro finds himself watching the little girl get thrown over the wall and the riceballs she had spent so much time to make squished, did he realize that he might've done himself in. More than ever did he feel disgusted about himself, mouth dry as a desert, hair most definitely greased with sweat, and that disgusting chaffing that made him want to gut himself. His chest heaves, his body wanting nothing more than some water, food, and a good day's worth of sleep. The loud commotion of some tween shouting made him look up to see a boy with a straw hat on his head. The weathered skin that seemed to have that weird rubbery look to it made him heave a dry sigh, the metallic tang of blood sitting on his tongue. The boy jumps over the wall with an eager face, a bright smile on his childish face.

Where in his life did he go wrong? The bright red vest hurt his eyes, but the cool wind that followed after the kid was more than welcomed. "Join my crew!" He chirps, looking like he accomplished something great. "Hah?" Zoro drawls, biting back a cough as he winces at how rough his voice sounds. A breathy laugh leaves the kid and he crosses his arms over his chest. "Join my pirate crew! Be my Nakama!" Zoro sneered, tucking his chin to his chest. "No way. Pirates are lawless beings that do no good." Zoro looks back up to glare at the kid, throat raw from talking so much. The boy rolls his eyes and smiles even brighter if that's possible. "If I get your swords, you'll join me, right?" Zoro bites his tongue as he thinks. "Just what're ya getting at, kid?" Zoro grunts, legs feeling like dead weight.

"I'm gathering a big crew as I become the Pirate King!" The kid was practically vibrating as he talks animatedly. Big talk for a kid who looks like a pipsqueak. "Fine. You got yourself a deal then. What's your name?" Zoro sighs, mulling over the endless possibilities of becoming a pirate. "Monkey D. Luffy!" The kid looks so happy, Zoro finds himself smiling a small bit. "My swords are inside that base, do what you can." Zoro knocks his head against the wood as he motions to the Naval base. Luffy nods and takes off in the other direction, Zoro biting his own tongue as he shouts at him. His arms stretch and he goes soaring through the air, loud laughter echoing across the barren yard Zoro was in. "The fuck is wrong with that kid?" Zoro muttered, shaking his head. A pair of hands rubbed against his wrist, the bindings fighting against whoever was trying to undo them.

"Luffy's a real nice person, y'know?" The boy with pink hair says, glasses askew. "Huh? Never really thought about it. Pretty demanding if ya ask me," Zoro laughs, coughing up blood at the end. The boy, Coby is his name, just smiled as he continued working on untying Zoro. Everything else happened pretty quickly, Luffy causing a ruckus, Coby panicking when a swarm of armed marines show, and everything else was a blur. Soon, Zoro is sitting on the edge of a white bathtub, water clinging to his skin. His clothes, which were fixed thanks to that little girl. The mirror was fogged, his green hair dulled in the reflection. How did he get this far in life? Just... suddenly becoming a pirate. Will it help him achieve his dream? Will it help him find himself? Zoro stands and dried himself off with a warmed towel, his stomach aching for food.

After he manages to stuff food into his gullet, with Luffy trying to eat his damn food, he finds himself inside that little dingy Luffy managed to sail in staring up at the darkening sky. "What's your dream?" Luffy asks arms crossed behind his head. His dark eyes watch Zoro shift, gaze softening when he held the white blade tighter. "To become the greatest swordsman in the world," Zoro answers, a big smile gracing Luffy's face. "That's good because I need the strongest of the strong to be apart of my crew! Shishishi!" Luffy laughs, crow's feet appearing at the corners of his eyes as he laughs. Zoro can't help the laughter that bubbled up in his throat, relishing in the feeling of being in someone's company once more. Maybe everything won't turn out so bad. The rambunctious laughter died out, Luffy falling asleep.

Zoro sighs silently, looking out over the ocean. He sets a hand over his abdomen, thinking. Is this what she felt like? Incomplete even in the company of others? Is there a reason why she hated something that she was given? Is there a reason that Zoro took this gift with no questions asked?

_It always goes a little like this..._

_"When will you get over it?"_

_"That's gross. Men shouldn't like girly things."_

_"What a faggot."_

_Hands pushed him to the ground, silent._

_"It's just a faze."_

_"No one would want him anyways."_

_She cried right in front of him. Tears dyed red._

_"Disgusting."_

_Blood drips from his nose. She lays dead before him._

_She wore black. He wore black too. Flowers of morning glory in his hand held out to her._

_"I love you." Whispers in the wind._

_Blue and pink are carried off, tears flowing like falling rain._

_A kiss to the head of a fleeting thought, a promise begotten. Born on a sword to an oath of old._

_Should the wilting flowers lay with you to rest. He stands above the grave as he cries, swearing he'd do everything to honor her wish._

But, how can he complete that wish when nothing feels right? Zoro shifts as silent tears run down his face, leaning against the side of the dingy to dip his hand into the ocean. A single wish, made for the single sword he'd never let go. Is this how she felt? Even in death, did she question if this was right? Would he? Would he ask himself is this what he really wants? To be the man everyone wants him to be? Would he continue to face the scorch of hatred and walk the path that's not truly meant for him? Zoro bumped his head against the splintered wood, letting the tears fall for this would be the last time he would cry. A single hand laid against his back, making him lift his head. Luffy had a sad look on his face, eyebrows furrowed. "What's wrong, Zoro?" He asks, pulling his hand away as Zoro wipes his face with his arm.

"I... I can't tell you just yet. Gimme some time..." Zoro looks away, nose hurting from being clogged. Luffy just sits back, nodding as he holds onto the straw hat. "Don't worry, anything that's bothering you will be fixed eventually." The teen looked at the younger, surprised. "Huh, never thought about it like that." Zoro smiles. Luffy nods and smiles. 

Maybe everything will fix itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first time in a long, long time writing something canon-compliant or even remotely like this in general, so, please RR. All mistakes will be fixed.


	2. It goes like this...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoro and Nami meet for the first time. She's more insightful than she leads on and Luffy is onto something. Zoro comes to terms that he is not "normal" but still cannot figure it out. When meeting Usopp, it's a different story completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter probably ass-backward, but I did cut out and rewrite scenes to make it fit better.

"Damn it Luffy! You can't eat all of the damned provisions!" Zoro snapped as he slammed his fist over the younger's head. Luffy whined about him being hungry as Zoro sat back against the side of the dingy. "Sorryyyy..." Luffy whined as he dragged out the "y". Zoro rolled his eyes and huffed, the gentle rock of the ocean lulling him into a light veil of sleep. It's been at least a few days since they've been floating on the ocean. Morning blue fills Zoro's visions as he peers up at the cloudless sky. "Hungry~" Luffy sighed as he leaned against the side of the dingy. Zoro snorts and crosses his arms over his chest, the white sword tucked closely to his chest. He shifts uncomfortably, the inside of his thighs chafing. That damned feeling made him want to cut himself open, hating that he had to _discreetly_ adjust himself as Luffy has his back turned to him.

A sharp, salty wind blows through them, his earrings chiming as the worn straw hat was whisked into the air. Luffy jumped up with a loud yelp, the boat tipping and rocking ominously as Zoro got to his feet. Luffy reeled his arm back and stretched it out to fetch the hat, missing it. Zoro bit the side of his tongue as he leaned over the dingy to grab the hat, chest hurting from being pressed into the splintered wood. "Be more careful you idiot." Zoro sighs as he shoved the hat back onto the mop of black wavy hair. "Sorry, Zoro!" Luffy laughed, setting a hand over the weaved yellowed straw. The red fabric seemed to shine, not truly showing how old it may be. "It's really special to me, y'know?" Zoro knows that feeling, setting a loving hand over the white saya of his beloved sword. "Yeah..."

"Where'd you get the sword?" Luffy asks with curious eyes, reaching out to touch the sword. Zoro smacked his hand away, frowning. "A childhood friend. Made an oath over it." Zoro looks forlorn, eyes saddened. Luffy frowned softly, noting the look and not saying anything else. Zoro hated the silence that fills the air between them. The thoughts that naw at him make him bite the inside of his cheek until he's sure it's going to bleed. Sometimes, there's no feeling at all, but then there's that awful feeling that makes him sick to his stomach. He could stare at himself for hours to try and discern this feeling, to give it a name, but to no avail. It made the back of his neck burn, his fingers tingle, and his legs ache with that feeling of not getting better. Like some type of disease was setting in and was eating away at his sanity.

His brows furrow as he sets a hand over his green haramaki, bunching his fingers into the threadbare wool. Luffy watched with hawk-like eyes, narrowed. The sun beat down on their pink skin, sea salt drying on every part of their exposed body. Both of them seemed to be looking at nothing in particular when a loud explosion made the ocean rock. Water sprayed against Zoro's side and Luffy almost tipped over into the ocean. "Ah!" Luffy yelped, head smacking against the wood with a rubbery twang as the boat hits a wooden pier rather hard. Zoro and his captain climb out of the totaled dingy with a few grumbles, his back aching from the sudden collision. Luffy laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Where in the world...?" Zoro muttered, looking at the barren town. It was completely empty, not a single person in sight.

"Wanna explore?" Luffy asks, drawing Zoro from his rather intrusive thoughts. Zoro raises an eyebrow before nodding. "Sure," Zoro trails after his captain, looking at the dirt roads as they walked. Chipped paint, weather-worn wood, creaky shingles, broken glass. "The whole place looks like was ransacked." Zoro sighs, Luffy just humming. Footsteps caught both of their attention as they wandered down one of the alleyways, the pair smacking right into someone. A girl with short orange hair rubbed her head, a bag filled with whatever clutched in her other hand. Zoro sits up and shakes the dirt from his hair, Luffy patting himself off. Zoro paid no mind to the conversation that took place between the two, eyeing her. The envious anger simmered in the pit of his stomach as he looked at her poorly put-together outfit, biting his tongue.

Zoro turned away from the girl, frowning as he rubbed his head. How does Luffy look so okay with being the way he is? Looking like a young boy, a bright red vest and jean shorts that reach his knees. They _had_ to be uncomfortable, the dry and heat that must accompany them. The kid looks like a damned twig compared to Zoro. He looks like the _big bad scary man_ while Luffy looked a normal kid who split his cheek open. Zoro hated being viewed like that, like a man. Is there another way to be viewed, though? Is there a way he can look without being called disgusting slurs that hurt his pride? Is this how she felt when Zoro had insulted her? To be called a weak person that's good for nothing? Did she feel like a worthless piece of shit? Is that why she died? Zoro followed after Luffy and the girl, ignoring what was going on around him.

"How did you two even end up here?" She asks, raising an eyebrow. "Just floated here on a dingy," Luffy answers nonchalantly. She huffs as they walk together. Zoro couldn't really keep up with the tide of events, not that he wanted, as he was torn in his own mind. It was a shame, really. The girl was pretty, Zoro won't lie, but something about her was off. She seemed like a backstabber. Short orange hair that gave a boyish charm, sharp eyes that had secrets hidden within, and definitely a few skeletons in her closet. His stomach was aching for warm food, it was like bounty hunting all over again with an idiot who was on a roll for trying to get himself killed. That and the fact that Luffy was just snatched out of his grip for being absentminded was all his fault entirely. He was right about that girl being a backstabber.

Some man that Zoro swore looked like he needs to get a better life was annoying. His name sounded like cabbage or somewhere along the lines, Luffy shouting at the top of a building for him as he was currently locked in a cage (like the absolute fucking idiot that he is). The girl was up there with him, negotiating something with a man of a clown. Zoro swore under his breath as his nameless swords clashed against Cabbages. He was going on and on about his strength, sitting on a unicycle like a dumbass. Zoro wanted to get this battle done and over with so he can save his stupid captain and get the fuck off this damned island. What seemed like forever, and a good few nicks in his chest from that bastard, he managed to save Luffy with the girl calling the both of them monsters and not human. 

What a wench. Zoro clutched his chest as they leaned against a still-standing building, blood dribbling through his fingers. There was a stab to his side that was leaking profusely. "What the hell is wrong with you two?!" The girl screamed, grabbing Luffy by the lapels of his vest and shaking him. Luffy was fussing over his now torn straw hat, whining something unintelligible as Zoro patched himself up with bandages he managed to get his hands on. After Nami was done with her screaming fest and everything was done and said for, Zoro tried to relax a bit. "Oi, Nami!" Luffy called, waving a hand at her. "What?!" She snapped, fretting over something. "Join my crew and be my Navigator!" That's right, they embarked on finding a navigator in mind. With not a single teaching in seafaring, they were dead without a navigator.

Zoro watched the two of them bicker, rolling his eyes and sitting down. After Nami had finished arguing with Luffy, she snatched the straw hat from him and stomped off to probably go fix it. His two eyes set on the ground, a hand set on his haramaki once more. Is there something he can do to stem the feeling of uncomfortableness? Was there a way to fix everything wrong with him? Zoro closed his eyes as his swords lean against him, finding somewhat solace in their cold touch. Nami came stomping back with a newly fixed straw hat and began chatting with Luffy about something. Soon, after Luffy was bit by some random dog (with Zoro stifling a laugh), an old man saying he was going to beat up the "Buggy Pirates" showed up. He claimed to be the mayor of Orange Town and was practically starting a single-man riot as he swung his spear around angrily. 

Nami hit Luffy when he knocked the poor man out, saying how he shouldn't hit the elderly. The battle that followed in suit was not that spectacular besides the clown flying off the island because of his own creation. They manage to steal a more equipped boat and sail off as people chased them off the harbor with all sorts of weapons. Nami held a map tightly in her hand as she stood at the bow of the ship, hair flying around. "Off to Syrup Village!" She cries triumphantly. Luffy cheers right along with her as Zoro sat as far away from them as much as he possibly could. At least this boat was more comfortable than the dingy. Zoro pulled his swords from his side and hooks the inside of his knees around them, making himself comfortable. Inside the little boat was more provisions, which Nami stole from the village.

Something about her was rubbing him all wrong. He stares at her lightly tone legs and then the skirt, frowning. Luffy seemed to be watching the seagulls fly above head, the ocean rocking gently. It was hours later when the sun began setting on the horizon, Zoro doing everything in his power not to stare at Nami. But the harder he tried, the worse his self-doubt seemed to get. Luffy was hanging off the side of the boat, chatting mindlessly as he looked into the blue water until Nami yelled at him to shut up. Poor kid. Zoro shakes his head to try and rid of annoying thoughts. Luffy turned in, falling asleep as he was tucked against the grainy wood. A scratch in the back of his mind appeared. He could really go for some booze right now. Nami was sitting now, looking up at the sky as it darkened and stars winked to life.

"What's been with you?" She asks softly, tilting her head to get a better look at Zoro. He opens one of his closed eyes to look at her, shifting and sighing. "I dunno if I should really tell you," Zoro says, hand falling to his navel once more. Nami's eyes darted to his hand and she sighed, clicking her tongue. "You've been doing that all day, what's your problem?" Zoro bit his tongue to stop himself from insulting the young woman. If he told her, would she look at him weird? Would she tell Luffy that's he's a faggot and that he's gross? Would Nami laugh at him and call him names?

_"I hate being a girl!" She screamed, throwing the white sword to the side. "You're a boy, you're stronger than me. You'll always be excepted as a swordsman!" Zoro felt the tears gather in his eyes._

_"That's not true! You're the strongest girl I know!" Her eyes widened as more tears fell from her eyes._

"I..." His chest stutters, breath catching in his throat. Would his captain hate him? That itch turned into scrapping, which turned to scratching, then clawing, and before he knew it, he'd gone deathly silent. Nami had worry shine in her eyes, something that was a thing he's never felt before. Worry. "I can't." Zoro turns away, unable to say anything more. Nami stands up, patting down her skirt and setting herself down beside Zoro. "Heh," She laughs, eyes looking down at the boards of the boat. "I think I understand how you're feeling..." Understand? There's no way that she could describe this feeling to him with a straight face. To look him dead in the eyes and tell him what's wrong with him. "I like girls." Zoro snorted out of surprise, a sharp glare sent his way. "You like girls? I mean... doesn't everyone?" Zoro couldn't wrap his head around the idea of being in love with a woman, let alone a person.

"Not like that you idiot!" She snapped, balling up her hands as she let out a defeated sigh. "I like girls. I like the way they look, the way they make me feel. I love them, all girls, but... it's gross. Not normal. I'm a freak, a-a..." Her breath stutters, her eyes darting away from Zoro's. "I'm a faggot." She whispers. Zoro's eyes widened in surprise. Her? Of all people, he's met and thought was normal, she's been called a faggot too? "W-what?" Zoro thought about pinching himself to make sure he isn't dreaming. "It's gross isn't it?" A sour laugh left her she looks up at the night sky. "I guess I am too," Zoro says, rolling one of his shoulders. "How so?" Nami asks, raising an eyebrow. Not once in his life did he think he would ever have this conversation with someone. Especially, someone, he's only met hours ago. 

"I, uh, don't know how to put this..." Zoro coughs into his hand softly to hide the blush on his face. "I don't feel comfortable having a... y'know..." He awkwardly waves his hand about, unable to say that one word without his stomach churning. "A dick?" Nami says, looking at him incredulously. Zoro nods and looks away pointedly. "Heh, there's nothing wrong with that, I guess." Nami gives him a smile that makes him do a double-take. "Huh?" That was all he managed to force out of his throat. Zoro swallowed thickly. "What? I've met a lot of people who're just like you. Some said they don't like being a boy, some a girl, some don't want to be either. You're not alone." Nami pats him on the shoulder, a comfortable silence embracing them. This is not what he was expecting. At all. 

When she fell asleep beside him did he find that some of his thoughts were put to rest. "Thanks." He whispers as he falls asleep. So, he isn't the only person in the world who feels like this. Though, it doesn't change the fact that he still doesn't know the word to describe this feeling. Is that going to stop him though? No, because there are more important things than that. Zoro sighs as he twists and turns in his sleep. Most of the night was spent in a feeble state of sleep when morning arrived, the other two wide awake already. Nami was sitting at the bow with Luffy looking up at the sky, the ocean a bright blue. Nami was sitting on the bow, Luffy beside her lolling his head about as he tried to find something to do. His swords rest comfortably against his chest, Nami stepping into their makeshift pantry for something.

Zoro made himself more comfortable, ready to doze off when Nami slammed the door open with a look of sheer anger on her face. Luffy winced at the sound and stretched his neck out to see Nami storming. "Where is the treasure?!" She screamed, Zoro turning his head away from her shrill voice. She dove at Luffy, both of them grappling at each other as she shouted obscenities at him. Zoro felt laughter bubble in his chest, Nami wringing Luffy's neck rather violently before she started shoving him into the ocean water. "H-hey!! I can't swim!!" Luffy cried every time he managed to pull his head up from the salty water. "Exactly!" Nami snapped, forcing his head back into the blue. Zoro laughed at the sight as Nami screamed at him to drown. Her greed seems to know no bounds. Luffy managed to finally get away, soaking wet and chest heaving as she made grabby hand at him. 

"Wouldn't they need the money to rebuild the town?!" Luffy shot over Zoro's laughter. "That's beside the point!" Nami shrieked, a chastising look in her eyes. Zoro tried to quell his laughter as he shook his head at the younger two. It was going to take few more days to get to Syrup Village, Luffy whining that they needed to hurry up. Nami snapped at him once more and that was the end of that conversation. Zoro shifts in his spot, a hand dropping to his navel. That gnawing feeling was back stronger than before, an itch between his thighs that made him shift uncomfortably in his spot. Those few days dragged out longer and longer, the itch of that feeling bringing him to the near end of his sanity. On one morning, Luffy jumped to his feet and pointed out the outline of an island, Nami eager to get the boat to move faster.

When they moored the tiny boat on the white sand of the beach they landed on, they were greeted with a loud shout of a boy. Zoro was quick to draw one of his blades, the scurries of bodies running throughout the brush of the greenery. He was standing on the edge of a white sun-bleached cliff, aiming something at the three of them. Nami stood between Luffy and himself, shouting at him to stop lying. The kid was skinny, skinnier than Luffy! He let out a yelp and tripped over his own feet, falling off the edge of the cliff and face-first into the sand. Zoro quickly sheathed his sword and cocked his hip to the side as he crosses his arms, watching the poor kid jump to his feet as he spits out a mouthful of sand. His knees clacked together as he shakes in his boots, feeble lies dripping from his lips.

Luffy was the first to break the ice between them as a group of little kids rushes to the idiot. Luffy bounds over and smacks a hand on his back with a laugh. The kid introduces himself as Usopp, dragging them off into a rather peaceful-looking town to fill their stomachs. Zoro leaned back in the seat of the booth they were pushed into, laughing with the other two as they played with the three kids from earlier. They managed to bunk in an inn, a rather small one, with separate rooms. Usopp piqued his interest, Zoro found as he sits down on the cot in his room. The boy seemed to be around the same age as Luffy, and curious about everything even though all that seems to come from him are lies. Zoro pulls his beloved swords from his hips and sets them against the wall. A mirror grabbed his attention. That slew of hot emotions shot through him at once, his knees buckling.

Zoro glared at the offending spot that made him seeth with this sudden anger, biting the inside of his cheek. Everything in him screamed NO at this, to stop looking and curl up into the sheets of the bed and never look at himself again. He finds he can't pull his gaze away, a hand coming up to bunch the seams of his haramaki. Jealousy. Envy. _Hatred._ Hatred towards what, though? The fact that he is disgusted with his own body? Or, is it the reality of people looking down at him like he's a piece of dirt on their shoes? He can't even enjoy his own body anymore. He hasn't been able to for a long, long time. Zoro seethes silently as he moves to the bathroom to clean himself up, hoping he would be left alone until they got what they needed on this island and left. When he leaves the bathroom, with a trail of warm water and condensation, he stands in front of the mirror once again. 

How many countless nights have been spent like this?

Flat and sculpted chest, carved from countless workouts. _Bountiful breasts, soft to the touch._ A flat stomach with corded muscles, the trapezius of well-defined shown. _A flat stomach, smooth and soft._ A broad frame. A large ribcage that tapered down into slim hips, strong thighs of hard muscle. _A thin frame, hourglass figure. Wide hips that taper into smooth thighs of plush muscle._

Zoro could spend countless hours staring and judging himself with keen eyes, but for all the times he compares himself to a woman, it always ends the same. He couldn't care for having the body of a woman, not that they're weak, but it's just not what his body wanted. Not what he _wants_. He wants to be free of the grips of what confines him, of what defines him. But, even something as simple as that is not meant for him, it seems.

To walk the path of the swordsman means to prove oneself to the dedication of the sword, to not stray the path that was predetermined from the start of it all. To not give in to the simplest of desires, whether it be for self-gratification or to give one's life for another. His path meant he couldn't give what his body wants, and it aggravates him to no end. He could scream, he could cry, but nothing changes this fact. If anything, it proves that this is not the way of life for him. And he couldn't settle on that. He promised he would become the best for _her._ Even if it meant losing himself in the process, everything is to honor her.

Everything is meant to honor her stead, to comfort her sore wounds inflicted with his own hands. 

_It always goes like this..._

_"She's a woman! She can't fight!"_

_Tears of the rain kiss the leaves. She weeps when no one is looking._

_He stands beneath the tree that shares her tears, hiding out of fear._

_"She's weak."_

_She's the strongest he knows._

_She inspires him. Shapes him._

_"A woman is a woman after all."_

_Another day goes by, she still cries._

_Her kimono is soaked, and yet he stands in a torn yukata beneath the raining sky._

_Every looking moment is spent with admiration of what he cannot gain, unable to touch what is in front of him._

_"Let her clean up the mess. So what if she beat us?"_

_He shares her tears, wilting under the spiteful gaze._

_"I hate you." Is screamed at the top of her lungs. But, she is silent._

_What can he give up to honor her? To mend broken ways he caused?_

_That single kiss shared in a parting moment, an equivalent exchange._

_Her life, for his._

_The sweet sing of metal will forever ring in his ears, well after the parting song of the gallant bell._

_Even though the white dove is the symbol of peace and the afterlife, it is a constant reminder that he failed to protect what he loved most of all._

_For he was blinded by his own desire to change._

Zoro takes his beloved sword and sets it across his lap, a hand set over the golden handguard. Is everything he's done been taken for granted? Is it because he's so set on figuring out this problem, that he's more lost than he thought? Zoro can hear Usopp climbing that tree outside the manor Nami has been eyeing, singing praising of sportful lies that seem to make that sickly girl's face light with happiness. Zoro's eyes would soften at the sight as they stand outside the manor. Usopp seems so happy talking to that girl.

It makes him _jealous._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm an idiot. I haven't been feeling all that well, and my dumbass decided not to watch the episode to make sure this was accurate as possible. I'm really sorry in advance that none of this up until Wano will be accurate for the most part.


End file.
